hurtle

hurtle - v. move at great speed, typically in an uncontrolled manner.

As long as a year may sound, the passing of years can feel pretty damn fast once you get to a certain point. As a 16-year-old, I often feel amazed at the passing of time and the fact that 1997 was 10 years ago, because I can distinctly remember writing "1997" at the end of dates in school back in senior kindergarten and grade one. Being able to remember things that happened 10 years ago is a big deal when you first get to that point, since you definitely can't remember that far back when you're only 10 or 11, and before that you hadn't even lived for 10 years yet. I think that at 16, one is definitely finished with childhood and moving into adulthood, though not quite an adult yet. I often feel somewhat childish, but I can remember feeling my childhood come to an end during middle school, and it was pretty well over by the time I was 13. I'd moved out of the mind set of a child and become someone new, to an extent, and it was at that point that I began to really find my niche in the world and figure out what I want to do with myself.

Time passes by horribly quickly, sometimes. Sometimes I realize that an event happened a year ago and am shocked because it still feels like it happened just recently. While a year ago may be "recently" to a person by the time they reach a certain age, it's still not very recent to a 16-year-old. Right now, I can't believe that 2007 is already more than half over. Hell, just the other day it was January and I was planning my sweet sixteen! It's like I was just making "2007 will be a good year for Morning Musume" predictions; it'd be almost too late in the year for a turn-around if that were not the case, now, but fortunately for Momusu, they have been having a great year. But seriously, it's August '07 already? That's insane!

The fast passing of time can be quite scary. Grade 10 went by in somewhat of a flash, for me, so how fast will grade 11 go by, and grade 12? There are only two years left before I'll be 18 and a half and moving on to post-secondary education, and moving out of this apartment and this neighbourhood and away from my parents. As much as some aspects of that fill me with excitement, it's a bit terrifying to know that I'll have to make serious life decisions and start telling everyone what I want to do with my life very soon. People expect you to know the answers to these questions already by the time you're 16, and I've had a hard enough time dealing with that, so how crazy is it going to be when I'm 17? And I'm only about six months away from turning 17, now. The idea of turning 17 is crazy and kind of scary for me, because of this. I haven't even learned to drive yet because I'm scared of being in control of something as big and potentially deadly (not to mention expensive) as a car! The only real perk of being 16 that I've taken advantage of so far is getting piercings without a parent there - and those were only in my cartilage, too. (Though I had wanted them for a long time, and was glad to get them.)

Then I remember that many of my friends are just a grade above me and will be having to deal with all of that post-secondary shit right about now, while I've still got a year before I have to worry about it too much. Though I do have to get good grades this year, since universities most definitely look at your marks from grade 11. But anyway, knowing that a year from now most of my friends a grade above me (aside from the few who will choose to stay in high school for another year) will be leaving is both sad and insane. And none of them even seem worried! I wonder if they're just freaking out on the inside, because I know I will be. Even picking a high school was stressful back in grade 8! My friends who are starting university this year (there are only a few, though, and we're not particularly close) all seem so ready for this. They don't seem a bit scared. Maybe I just haven't seen their fear because I don't talk to them about this stuff, but I have to wonder if my other friends and I will feel that ready when we leave high school. Does anyone ever really feel ready for that? I suppose there are some people, but it's such a scary and huge thing.

I have one very good friend online who I've been talking to since the end of 2004, and she's moving from a tiny town in Montana to New York City to start at NYU and work towards a career in filmmaking (she's a kickass writer and full of ideas). It's absolutely amazing and I'm very excited for her, but...wow. What a huge thing to be doing. She's been used to the small town life for her whole life, and now she's going to be in New York City, of all places. I'm going to be freaking out about university and I'll at least be living in the same city as I do now, most likely! I'm very proud of her for taking this huge step, but I'm also kind of in awe of her, because I don't know how I'd be able to do it. (I'm not talking about the whole big city transition thing, though, because I'm a city girl 100% and I can barely even handle being in small towns.)

And then, I lok at my sisters. They're both in their 30s; one of them is a former professor and current CEO with four kids and a very helpful husband, while the other is a professor currently. (My dad is a just-retired professor; I come from a family of over-achievers, really.) It's kind of amazing to think that my sisters are in these positions, and I'm still just a kid scared by the fact that my life as an adult is slowly beginning. But I know that they were once just kids, like me, and they worked hard to get to those positions. Not that I want to be a professor myself, but the point is, if they could go from being normal girls like me to successful adults who made it through university and choosing paths for their lives and all of that, I can definitely do it too. I just have to believe in myself and not let myself get too scared by the whole process.

The entire world is really going through life blindly, just moving forward frantically trying to find satisfaction and happiness. Well, maybe not the whole world, but a lot of us. We don't really know what we're doing, much of the time, but one thing we do know is that we can't stop time. The weeks and months and years will continue to pass by at a high speed, and all we can do is keep up. One way of keeping the passing of time from wearing you down is to just forget about it, live your life to the fullest, and enjoy the moment you're in now. You can still enjoy memories, and making plans for the future is definitely crucial in certain circumstances, but if you get too caught up in thinking about time and the past and the future, you'll never enjoy the present - which was your future in the past, and will be your past in the future. Thinking about this, and the fact that my sisters and so many other people I look up to and admire survived all of the stuff I'm dealing with now and will be faced with in the next couple of years, I know that I don't really need to be scared, and all I have to do is work hard, try my best, and follow my heart. I know that I will be lead down the right path, and I will have lots of great times in my life, just like the great times I've already had. Plus, this helps me appreciate the present more. It's always good to have a little perspective when you're 16 and scared of the world (but very hopeful, too).